Selected Quotations of Craig S. Bruce

The last mile will be wireless.

There are two kinds of doctors — there's the genius kind and then there's the glorified auto-mechanic kind.

Cynicism is the new naïvety.

Sorry, but I've just had too many people try to tell me that basic physiology is socially imposed.

Ignorance of the laws of physics is no excuse for breaking them.
— Craig Bruce (2007-01-15, #880)

Isn't it funny how the "mysterious ways" in which the Lord works are always exactly identical to the Lord not existing at all... every time... without exception?
— Craig Bruce (2007-01-07, #879)

Rationality is the ultimate bully.
— Craig Bruce (2007-01-03, #878)

All truly religious people, being Absolutist Authoritarianists, have no capacity for morality by definition. They simply obey out of fear and believe and do what they are told by the Church authorities without question, reason, or conscience.
— Dr. Craig Bruce (2006-11-20, #877)

[This was the cause of the Dark Ages in the West and the continuing Dark Ages in the Middle East.]

It's a double tragedy when control freaks are also incompetent.
— Craig Bruce (2006-09-20, #876)

Out of curiosity, are you a Bible thumper or a scientist? I can't imagine a scientist making such bold and absolute pronouncements about science.
— Craig Bruce (2006-08-15, #875)

[Crea^Htio^Hnism.]

It's interesting how liberal-minded people invariable side with terrorists and dictatorships against the first-world democracies. I guess this is because terrorists and dictators best represent the left-wing ideals of openness, progressiveness, tolerance, peace, secularism, liberty, individual rights, freedom of thought, freedom of speech, the rule of law, education, enlightenment, human rights, non-discrimination, and the empowerment of women.
— Craig Bruce (2006-08-10, #874)

Is it sexist to believe that men are taller than women?
— Craig Bruce (2006-07-23, #873)

[Yes, I am aware that some women are taller than some men. I'm also sure that there are female weightlifters who can lift a lot more weight than I can, but they will never lift as much weight as the best male weightlifters.]

If a population elects a terrorist organization to be their government, then they rather deserve the obvious, inevitable, one-and-only possible outcome of their choice: War.
— Craig Bruce (2006-07-04, #872)

[Also, just because a criminal wins a democratic election, it does not make him no longer a criminal, nor incapable of committing further criminal acts. Those who endlessly criticize Western leaders must surely recognize this truth. Additionally, contrary to popular opinion, women are theoretically also capable of committing crimes.]

Oh, please. You can't expect politicians to have any comprehension of the technical issues they make world-changing decisions about.
— Dr. Craig S. Bruce (2006-07-01, #871)

Love is not an unselfish emotion.
— Craig Bruce (2006-06-26, #870)

[In fact, the limerence component of romantic love may just make it the most selfish emotion of all.]

They say that you can't choose your family, but that isn't true. When you are an adult, you can choose your family.
— Craig Bruce (2006-05-27, #869)

Just because seal pups are cute and fluffy, it doesn't mean their numbers don't need to be managed responsibly.
— Dr. Craig Bruce (2006-03-23, #869)

[And how about a little more self-promoting celebrity outrage for the way that not-so-cute animals like fish are killed. I'm sure they suffer terribly while being eaten alive by harp seals.]

It never stops being funny to hear that Western governments are just as bad as the Middle-Eastern ones. I guess if liberal types didn't use up all of their criticism at home, they might have a little left over for the Jihadists and genocidal dictatorships.
— Craig Bruce (2006-03-22, #868)

Good things come to those who grab things for themselves.
— Craig Bruce (2006-03-06, #867)

The only people who live on the street in Canada are those who WANT to live on the street.
— Craig Bruce (2006-03-06, #866)

[Welfare is generous enough here to put a roof over everybody's head. But some people prioritize drugs or social protest over this. We must respect their choices by not giving them handouts on the street.]

I wonder what they do on the 73rd day of eternity.
— Craig Bruce (2006-02-16, #865)

I only got a 98% in high-school Computer Ed. because my teacher was unable to phrase questions correctly 2% of the time.
— Dr. Craig Bruce (2006-02-09, #864)

[Hi, Mr. Dalling. :-) ]

Having absolute faith in anything is a good working definition of ‘insanity’.
— Craig Bruce (2006-02-08, #863)

[Can delusional religious people who positively believe they live in a world of gods, magics, miracles, and absolute truths be legally classified as schizophrenics and be thrown in the looney bin?]

Q: What do you call an INTJ over 30?
A: “Doctor.”
— Dr. Craig Bruce (2006-02-01, #862)

I just hope my mathematician friends can forgive me.
— Craig Bruce (2006-01-13, #861)

[What I would say if I ever won a lottery.]

It's strange. If you ask lunatics if there is extraterrestrial intelligence, they will say ‘certainly’. If you ask laypeople, they will say ‘certainly not’. And if you ask scientists, they will say ‘almost certainly.’
— Craig Bruce (2006-01-08, #860)

[We are all made of star dust.]

It's not the religion that's dangerous; it's the severity of the indoctrination.
— Craig Bruce (2006-01-08, #859)

Maybe continuously putting violent street-gang members back out on to the street is only a sub-optimal strategy.
— Craig Bruce (2006-01-03, #858)

[The spike in gun violence in Canadian cities.]

My angle is that if God is reasonable, he will understand why I cannot force myself to believe a pile of trumped-up bullshit. And if he's not reasonable, then we are all fucked.
— Craig Bruce (2005-11-30, #857)

[It will be interesting to hear Christians, et al. explain to me that their God is not reasonable. But this doesn't change the fact that I cannot *force* myself to believe any particular thing and I'm neither gullible nor stupid. Unfortunately, this doesn't leave much room for Dr. Bruce to ever become religious.]

The only realistic thing about CSI is that people keep calling Dr. Grissom “Mister”.
— Dr. Craig Bruce (2005-11-29, #856)

[Really, they could solve most of their cases by zooming in on the fraction of a pixel of a digital surveillance image that is a person's hand and extracting their fingerprints. Or Hell, they could zoom into the center of any skin cell and examine their DNA molecules.]

“Tick tock,” says the clock, “Tick tock”.
— Craig Bruce (2005-11-04, #855)

Isn't it funny how the farmers are starving but I am not.
— Craig Bruce (2005-10-31, #854)

[Maybe they're not quite as vital to the economy as they think they are. Maybe the farmers who can't turn a profit despite illegal price-fixing schemes and generous illegal subsidization on such a supposedly crucial commodity are really just expensive welfare bums. Look, I'm sorry that you made such a disasterous career choice, but whose fault is that, really?]

When all of the companies in an industry can spike their prices and reap windfall profits, that is definitive proof that the industry is monopolized, that all of the players are involved in a collusion racket, and that the industry is in desperate need of perp walks and pricing regulation.
— Craig Bruce (2005-10-27, #853)

[Yeah, the oil companies are just trying to cover their costs. Riiight. Their executives are in desperate need of some jail time and their profits above 5% need to be seized and refunded to consumers, plus 300% penalties.]

If the complexity of a large bridge were in the same order of order of complexity of large software systems, then there might be some hope that software could one day be reliable.
— Craig Bruce (2005-09-28, #852)

[But this isn't to say that software couldn't be more reliable than it is today.]

Crawl, Walk, Run, Fly. Don't start at ‘Super-Fly’ because you'll end up at ‘Roadkill’.
— Craig Bruce (2005-09-28, #852)

[Craig discusses system-implementation methodology.]

Religion, n.: Absolute faith in things that are clearly false.
— Craig Bruce (2005-09-08, #851)

Hindsight is 20/100.
— Craig Bruce (2005-08-29, #850)

[Or maybe it's only 20/200. People can be so optimistic.]

The bigger they are, the harder they squish you when they fall.
— Craig Bruce (2005-08-22, #849)

Somehow, the thought of putting $50,000,000,000.00 into the hands of genocidal dictators makes me a little uneasy. I can't quite put my finger on why that is.
— Dr. Craig S. Bruce (2005-07-08, #848)

[There was a big African-aid announcement today.]

Obviously, we need to force girls into degrees they don't want, sterilize them, and disallow them to drop out or find employment in any other field.
— Craig Bruce (2005-06-13, #847)

[Here's a clue: Women generally value family over careers. If you want to get more women into {your favorite science} for the sole purpose of satisfying your personal political agendas, then you must ‘upgrade’ The Constitution of your country to be able to pass legislation to do the above. Really, I don't see why men should be expected to continue apologizing for women's own weaknesses.]

The purpose of The Law is to protect criminals from being lynched.
— Craig Bruce (2005-05-25, #846)

[What, you though it was to protect *you*?]

Maybe now some dynamic young leader can help drag the Catholic church into the 19th century!
— Craig Bruce (2005-04-02, #845)

[Pope John Paul II should have retired five years ago.]

The exchange rate between first-world lives and third-world lives in disaster stories in the media is about 50:1.
— Craig Bruce (2005-03-22, #844)

[This is why 9/11 is a big deal, since the equivalent of 150,000 people were murdered.]

Liberalism is financed by the dividends from Conservatism.
— Craig Bruce (2005-03-21, #843)

[Well, fiscal conservatism. Social conservatism doesn't pay any dividends since it's a stick rather than a carrot.]

How ironic that these very people are the source of the Political Correctness 2.0. The political continuum is a wrap-around universe and the fringes are not opposites but different flavours of the exactly same thing—nut bars (chewy nougat vs. crispy wafer). “Decency in entertainment” *is* Political Correctness.
— Craig Bruce (2005-03-17, #842)

[“But our reality distortion field is The Truth™.”]

Maybe instead of targeting pot grow-ops, like they say they are going to, the Canadian government should instead be targeting the violent psychotic criminals that their pussy liberal policies keep putting back on to the street. Maybe these guys are the real threat to people's lives and pot growing is just an incidental hobby to them. I'll bet they watch TV, too. Maybe the government will be targeting TV audiences in their next doomed attempt to prevent violence.
— Craig Bruce (2005-03-09, #841)

[Business as usual.]

Theoretican Talk Deciphered #1: “It is a flexible framework” --> “It does nothing useful on its own.”
— Craig Bruce (2005-03-07, #840)

[I've seen a few too many "flexible frameworks".]

Organizations like the ACLU fought and won the good fight back in the 1960's, but it's clear that nowadays they've run out of useful things to do since they now spend most of their time defending the scum of the Earth from getting what they rightly deserve.
— Craig Bruce (2005-02-24, #840)

[Amnesty International does little more these days than criticize first-world democracies, while occasionally mentioning that totalitarian dictatorships might be bad, too. Neo-liberal hysteria has taken root.]

The world is real. Consciousness is the illusion.
— Craig Bruce (2005-02-24, #839)

[Most philosophy majors get this backwards. “I think; therefore, the world is.”]

It's funny how most activists are pacifists.
— Craig Bruce (2005-02-22, #838)

[This is a contradicton in deeds as well as terms. Political activists seem to understand that only aggressive, decisive action can change things for the better, though they must also think that totalitarian dictatorships are fine just they way that they are: murdering millions of their own citizens every year.]

My to-do list is so long that it doesn't have an end; it has an event horizon.
— Craig Bruce (2005-02-21, #837)

Live every day as if it is your last, and you'll be correct sooner than you otherwise would be.
— Craig Bruce (2004-10-29, #836)

[Most people would do rather dangerous things on their last day.]

1 + 1 = 2. Everything else is derived.
— Craig Bruce (2004-10-29, #835)

[Craig picks his favorite mathematical equation. “e^(pi*i)=-1” is just for snooty pseudo-intellectual poseur types!]

Yeah, computers are going to take over the programming business any day now because they have become so fast recently that they can solve the Halting Problem in five seconds flat.
— Craig Bruce (2004-10-16, #834)

[I don't think I'll practice saying “Would you like fries with that?” just yet.]

The only people I've ever heard saying that disagreeing with Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld is un-American or treasonous are people who disagree with Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld.
— Craig Bruce (2004-08-17, #833)

[Way to ham up the self-righteous indignation angle!]

It's funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chance of achieving the activists' stated goals.
— Craig Bruce (2004-07-25, #832)

[One can only conclude that social activists are actually against the things that they protest in favor of. How fucked up is that? Blood-thirsty pacifists. Third-world-worker-denying anti-globalists.]

“Blah, blah, terrorism, evil, blah blah. Now watch this drive.”

Given the timing of the delivery and the juxtaposition of the serious and non-serious ideas and tones of voice used, computations indicate that there is a 99.32% probability that President Bush delivered what is commonly known as a “joke”. You should familiarize yourself with the concept.

According to your signature, presidents should neither attempt to make jokes nor attempt to play golf while on a golf course after being pestered by the press. The only logical conclusion is that both yourself and Michael Moore are humorless dolts.
— Craig Bruce (2004-07-15, #832)

[One can also conclude that the general public is easily manipulated by demagogues -- demagogues who happen to have no credible solutions of their own, BTW, just endless cynical criticism. If you are going to criticize Bush, don't be so petty or silly about it. Have you ever told a joke that either fell flat or was intentionally misinterpreted by someone with a one-track political agenda?]

Fighting a war on terrorism is like fighting against crime. We can never hope to eradicate crime, so we shouldn't bother fighting it.
— Craig Bruce (2004-07-01, #831)

[Think of all the taxes we can save that would otherwise be wasted on Police salaries! Fire departments are kind of expensive, too.]

It's a bit odd that nobody seems to be using the correct technical term to describe organized Islamic terrorists. They are not a faction of a religion or a social movement. They are a cult. A suicide cult. Examine the recruitment, the indoctrination, the charismatic leader, the sacred rhetoric, the fanatical devotion of the peons. It's pretty obvious. Of course, the extreme religiosity of the region makes the recruitment process much easier, but then, cults in the West often hitch a ride on Christianity. (“God sent me. Trust me. Having lunch with Him tomorrow.”) If you really want to ascribe a religion to them, it would be Nihilism (senseless destruction for its own sake), not Islam.
— Craig Bruce (2004-06-24, #830)

When anarchy is declared, the first thing we do, let's kill all the anarchists.
— Craig Bruce (2004-06-23, #829)

[It'll be all nice and legal-like--thanks to them. Don't tip them off, though; it'll be our opportunity to get rid of them.]

I wonder if those people shown protesting the deployment of nuclear weapons to western Europe during the Reagan era are feeling appropriately stupid today. “Please don't take away our precious Soviet Union! -- We demand the annihilation of all life on Earth!”
— Craig Bruce (2004-06-10, #828)

[There were lots of re-runs of old footage of the Reagan era in the wake of his death. I wonder if their children are protesting the invasion of Iraq today.]

Hanlon's Razor: Don't attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by incompetence.
Bruce's Razor: Don't attribute to incompetence what can be adequately explained by Microsoft funding.
— Craig Bruce (2004-06-01, #827)

[Explaining Ken Brown's shoddy analysis relating to SCO vs. Linux.]

Q: What is the most pervasive carcinogenic substance in our atmosphere?
A: Oxygen.
— Craig Bruce (2004-05-31, #826)

If Nader were to win the Presidency and pull the US out of Iraq the day after, I think it would be hysterically funny to watch Noam Chomsky criticizing Ralph Nader for the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi deaths resulting from the ensuing civil war.
— Craig Bruce (2004-05-31, #825)

[Get your lefty-loonie-on-lefty-loonie action right here!]
[It'd be funny in general to watch Nader's idealism in a slow-motion collision with the real world. Unsafe at any speed?]
[Chomsky's idealism is unthreatened because he has never had a position of power. But this goes unreported on the nightly news!]
[Not that I don't respect the technical contributions these guys have made in their former lives.]

It's easy to idealize someone that you don't know.
— Craig Bruce (2004-05-31, #825)

[Not so easy with someone that you do know. I suppose that “idolize” works here, too.]

The people who actually do things always suffer the slings and arrows of those who don't.
-- Dr. Craig S. Bruce (2004-05-27, #824)

[Political-campaign season has begun.]

Neo-liberal (also 'neo-lib'), n.: A person whose dangerously foolish idealism and vacuous naivete about how the world works is surpassed only by their bitter cynical hatred of the government and all vestiges of the establishment.
-- Dr. Craig S. Bruce (2004-05-11, #823)

[What irritates me the most about these people is that for all of their endless one-sided rhetorical criticism of everything, they have no credible alternative plan to change anything or prevent anything from becoming worse. Their answer is always “Let's all think happy thoughts and world peace will spontaneously break out” or “We'll find a solution tomorrow” or some empty shit like that. All the while, they're selectively oblivious that their computer, their SUV, their gasoline, their cell phone, their “Eat The Rich” T-shirt, the roof over their head, and their next meal are all supplied courtesy of ‘The Machine’ that they hate so much. Have I called them hypocrites yet?]

Omniscience is not omnipotence.
-- Craig Bruce (2004-05-08, #822)

EV1: Extortion Victim #1.
-- Craig Bruce (2004-04-29, #821)

[SCO vs. Linux. I know I wouldn't want to have such a pushover hosting my web site. And I wouldn't want my service fees to fund more frivilous lawsuits.]

The Groklaw Effect: The results of an online community debunking bogus legal claims.
-- Craig Bruce (2004-04-26, #820)
[Groklaw vs. SCO lawsuits.]

No one is more conformist than a teenage rebel.
-- Dr. Craig S. Bruce (2004-04-26, #819)

[Subcultural norms are very stringent. Your tattoos and piercings are not you expressing your individuality—they are you toeing the line like a sheep as required. (Or should that be ‘hoofing’ the line?) Just try to refuse and observe the amount of pressure you receive to conform.]

Nothing makes it easier to notice someone than them noticing you.
Nothing makes it easier to like someone than them liking you.
Nothing makes it easier to love someone than them loving you.
-- Craig Bruce (2004-02-20, #818)

We are all free to choose the inevitable.
-- Craig Bruce (2004-02-10, #817)
[Craig gives a suscinct summary of his views on ‘Fate’. (I can't seem to find this one anywhere else on the web, but it seems a bit too profound not to have been uttered before.)]

Antisarcasm, n.: An outrageous statement made in a sarcastic tone or manner that is nevertheless either literally true or very close to it.
-- Craig Bruce (2004-01-24, #816)

[For instance, saying “Yeah, I love you, too” in a flip tone to someone who has just insulted you whom you, perhaps secretly, do actually love. Also “Anti-sarcasm”.]

“How can free software be any good if you don't have to pay for it?”
“How can freedom be any good when you could be tied to a yoke instead?”
-- Craig Bruce (2003-12-18, #815)

Bruce's First Law of Coincidences: Ain't no such thing.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-11-17, #814)

Knowledge isn't necessarily power. Just as often, it is merely knowing the proper time to cringe.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-08-22, #813)

There are idiots, damned idiots, and idiots who are fooled by bad statistics.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-10-07, #812)
[Lies, damn lies... the problem isn't the statistics; it's idiots who can't pick out the flaws in misleading statements.]

This is you getting into bed with Microsoft.
This is you getting fucked.
Any questions?
-- Craig Bruce (2003-10-01, #811)

Academic researchers aren't paid to find simple solutions.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-09-07, #810)
[They're paid to find complex ones, even to simple problems.]

Complyicide, n.: Complying with a broken specification to the extent that it destroys your product.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-06-25, #809)

Pacifism has killed more millions of civilians than any other kind of "ism".
-- Craig Bruce (2003-05-25, #808)

Foreplay: Thinking outside the box.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-05-21, #807)

If Star Trek has taught me anything, it's that I shouldn't trust anyone who is different from myself.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-05-14, #806)
[perhaps they intended something different...]

All free people on the planet who are reading this message may now bow your heads in a moment of silence to thank the United States of America for your freedom.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-04-16, #806)
[That's right: The USA is the sole source of freedom in this world, despite the ingratitude and endless cynical criticism of most. 'Old' Europe (Hitler, Soviet Union). 'New' Europe (Soviet Union). Pacific Rim (Hirohito). The Americas. Think about it.]

Anarchists, think twice.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-04-10, #805) [Some people actually have utopian ideas about Anarchy, but its realization is only vandalism, then looting, then revenge killing, then 'ethnic cleansing', then the emergence of warlords, and ultimately the emergence of a dictator. In other words, "Anarchy" is a fantasy, much like true "Communism". Have a taste.]

"Moral Calculus": The branch of mathematics to employ when your Moral Compass isn't accurate enough.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-04-10, #804) [Hint: Thousands of dead is less bad than millions of dead.]

V-Day ("Vindication Day"): Are all of the pacifists out there feeling suitably foolish today, or do they need all of the dirty shit that was going on inside of Ba'ath Iraq to come splattering onto their TV screens first?
-- Craig Bruce (2003-04-09, #803)

It just bugs me the hypocricy of those who criticize everything the U.S. does but either do it inconsistently or who fail to appropriately criticize those who have done enormously worse. How many millions of civilians did the Japanese kill during the WWII? How many tens of millions of civilians has the U.N. watched die while it has sat on its ass? Russia? China? The U.S. is just everybody's favorite punching bag.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-04-07, #802)

Nearly a thousand more people have been reported massacred in Congo today, for a total of 3.3 million in recent years. Add that to the death toll of a hundred million people that the U.N. is ultimately responsible for through its patented brand of inaction.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-04-07, #801)

Diplomacy works only when there is someone serious on the other side of the table.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-04-05, #800)

There's nothing sadder than letterboxes on a wide-screen TV.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-03-18, #799)

Twenty years from now, Osama bin Laden will be posthumously awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. He will be the most identifiable person who triggered the democratization and de-radicalization of the Middle East.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-03-18, #798) [Good work, man!]

Either war is justified to you or it's not. I really don't see how the presence or absense of a rubber stamp from half-a-dozen bought-off third-world dictatorships should create or remove a moral justification for anything.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-03-17, #797) [well, actually, one or two of them might not technically be dictatorships]

It's funny how so many people get stuck at 2 when trying to count to 18. I guess 18 is just too absurdly high of a number.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-03-17, #797)

Sports fans tend not to be the most cerebral of people, so they like to riot and destroy property whether their team wins or loses. Anti-globalization activists are similar, except their team always loses.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-03-15, #796)

You should support your soldiers even if you don't support your politicians.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-03-10, #795)

Sure, today it's Saddam Hussein, but tomorrow it'll be someone else and then someone else. The next thing you know, all of the tyrannical dictators will be gone. Then where will we be?!
-- Craig Bruce (2003-03-10, #794)

Two months from now, when Saddam is gone, will there be protesters demanding his reinstatement?
-- Craig Bruce (2003-03-07, #793)

Linux & Open Source software are a genuine disruptive technologies and they are immune to Microsoft's usual illegal business practices. Microsoft has only two profitable products, Windows and Office, and they will begin to be squeezed this year, and they will be drastically less profitable in five years as Linux and OpenOffice invade the corporate desktop. Maybe Corel will buy Windows and Office. They are always on the lookout for hand-me-down has-beens.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-02-26, #791)

DPRK: Democratic People's Bullshit Dictatorship of North Korea.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-02-25, #790) [Ref. #638, "If it says 'The People's', it ain't."]

Why don't Coach Busses have seat belts? Every time one of them flips on its side, ten people die. You'd think that someone would have sued the bus companies by now, if not out of outrage over safety, then at least as a pay-day.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-02-24, #789)

Saddam bad. Get rid of Saddam good.
-- Armch. Gen. Dr. Craig "The Hawk" Bruce (2003-02-18, #788)

First they came for the useless,
But I was not useless,
So I said nothing.
Then they came for the incompetent,
But I was not incompetent,
So I said nothing.
Then they came for the idiots,
But I was not an idiot,
So I said "thank God the useless incompetent idiots are gone!"
-- Craig Bruce (2003-02-08, #787) [Rebuttal to Holocaust analogies applied to the workforce; shame on these people for trivializing genocide!]

Two of five Space Shuttles have been catastrophically destroyed in operation. I think they need to factor that into their once-in-a-thousand-year failure calculations.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-02-12, #786)

Yes, Kofi Annan is an ineffective pacifist. But, I don't think that it's really legitimate to criticize him for that because, as the head of the U.N., his job description is "Thou shalt be an ineffective pacifist."
-- Craig Bruce (2003-02-08, #785)

If I mow my neighbour's lawn and he gives me $10 which I use to buy lunch, which one of us has screwed the other?
-- Craig Bruce (2003-01-31, #784) [Economics is not a zero-sum game]

I find that a very effective way to discover and fix design flaws is to try to implement them. A two-year PowerPoint exercise doesn't always do this.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-01-30, #783)

Most of these idiots can't even manage their own finances. We're supposed to trust them to operate a country?
-- Craig Bruce (2003-01-19, #782) [Craig is critical of direct democracy]

Sixteen exabytes ought to be enough for anybody.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-01-18, #781)

The U.N. is a pacifist, toothless, gutless bureaucracy. Since its creation, it has sat on its ass and watched about 100-million people being murdered by their own governments. Occasionally, it has suggested that these governments stop, and almost always it has done nothing when its suggestions have always been ignored.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-01-18, #780)

Really, compression and probably a binary base representation is the only hope for the future of XML, because, eventually, people will want to do real work with it.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-01-14, #779)

When faced with the problem of starvation, a mathematician recalls that he has eaten before and says "Q.E.D."
-- Craig Bruce (2003-01-15, #778)

A specification can require the sky to be green, but that does not make it so.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-01-15, #777)

Linux sysadmins cost a whopping 4.2% more than Windows® admins and they can only manage a pathetic 440% as many machines.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-01-05, #776) [ZDNet]

The 20th century was a chronicle of the world consistently underestimating America. The 21st century will be the same.
-- Craig Bruce (2003-01-04, #775)

War! What is it good for? Knocking over bullshit dictatorships, that's what it's good for.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-12-29, #774)

The correct answer is: Yes, of course Affirmative Action is discimination -- BUT, it's okay to discriminate against young white males because they committed many atrocities centuries ago.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-12-03, #773)

There will never be a cure for AIDS -- because a life-long treatment is _so_ much more profitable.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-12-01, #772)

Q: Why does Canada have a higher unemployment rate than the US?
A: Because Canada has more generous unemployment and welfare benefits.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-11-21, #771)

Q: Why do bums beg for money in the street?
A: Because some people are willing to give them money in the street.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-11-20, #770)

Windows® DRM: When your computer dies, your digitial media dies with it.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-11-20, #769) [though, technically, "Windows" in not a trademarkable term]

The true motivation for Palladium® is one-fold: To enable Microsoft® to hold your own data hostage.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-11-18, #768)

About the Cassini pictures of the approach to Saturn: ...But still, they should 'Photoshop' some stars into the backgrounds of the pictures just to placate the conspiracy theorists.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-11-02, #767)

It's ironic that so many pacifists wish for world peace when they are the reason it's impossible.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-10-29, #766) [the same goes for world hunger]

It's not "just because"; God exists because The Bible says He exists. For proof that The Bible is correct, see The Bible.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-09-24, #765)

Terrorist organizations and bullshit governments exist only because the Western world continues to tolerate their existence. We really need to re-think that one.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-08-29, #764)

Bruce's Law: In any complex system, there are more things that can go wrong than can go right.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-08-20, #763)
[The same is true of simple systems.]

The massive backlash will begin when Joe Sixpack presses 'Record' on his remote control and his fancy new home-entertainment system says "Permission Denied".
-- Craig Bruce (2002-08-20, #762)

We should stop arguing over whether horse piss or moose piss tastes better and just agree that they are both ungulate piss.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-08-16, #761) American vs. Canadian beer

Digital Restrictions Management is on a collision course with Jane & Joe Sixpack. Expect a bloody revolt.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-08-15, #760)

Bruce's First Law of Image Processing: All methods of creating information out of thin air are equally as good.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-07-24, #759)

Citizens should beware that hanging out with terrorist leaders may be hazardous to their health.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-07-23, #758)

What, you think that Sun developed Java because they are interested in selling software?
-- Craig Bruce (2002-06-26, #757)

If you build your home in a flood plain, then you kind of deserve the inevitable result.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-06-13, #756)

XML will interoperate with any other technology as long as it's XML.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-05-21, #755)

Don't trust comments in source code. They only tell you what the program is _supposed_ to do.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-05-18, #754)

Linux, KDE 3.0, Gnome 2.0, Mozilla 1.0, OpenOffice 1.0, Evolution (superior Outlook replacement), InsightServer (Exchange replacement) -- it seems that Microsoft will soon be facing its worst nightmare: the commoditization of its key product areas.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-05-04, #753)

Christians must really love children, because they invented their God to be a spoiled brat.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-03-17, #752)

When an asshole calls you an asshole, does it make a sound?
-- Craig Bruce (2002-03-05, #751)

A problem with any successful system is 'versionitis'.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-02-15, #750)

There's no shortage of boobs on the Internet.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-01-29, #749)

And in the quadrillions of other places in the universe where these "accidents" didn't happen, no one is around to bemoan the fact that they didn't.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-01-26, #748)

You've got to give those Montreal engineers credit. It's just about impossible to take a picture of the space shuttle's cargo bay without the word "Canada" being in it.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-01-26, #747) [Or was it Toronto?]

Success creates its own mandate.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-01-19, #746)

Those who knew me, knew me well, and those who didn't, knew me better.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-01-16, #745)

Smoking reduces your risk of getting Alzheimer's Disease.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-01-16, #744) [and many other age-related ailments]

Moore's Law: The ultimate self-fulfilling prophesy.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-01-16, #743)

If you are a member of the tinfoil-hat brigade who thinks that the 'The System' is just a big conspiracy to exploit you, then I think that you are outrageously overestimating your value.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-01-15, #742) [You are a net drain. Your *welfare* is exploiting *me*.)

I could buy and sell you an infinite number of times over. That is, assuming that I got the same price every time.
-- Craig Bruce (2002-01-10, #741)

The most damnable thing about Can-Con... is that it worked.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-12-30, #740)

Bruce's Law: Every 18 months plus one day, the size of computational problems doubles.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-11-13, #739)

If so fast Java is, rewrite Solaris in it then why does Sun not?
-- Craig Bruce (2001-11-13, #738)

Q: How many of your previous romantic relationships were failures?
A: All of them.
Q: So, what are the chances for your present relationship?
A: Well, let's check the statistics...
-- Craig Bruce (2001-11-11, #737)

The only thing that a text format is efficient at encoding... is text.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-11-03, #736)

1-GHz Pentium-III + Java + XSLT == 1-MHz 6502.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-10-29, #735)

The only force in the world strong enough to defeat America... is America.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-10-26, #734)

Why is it that a $5 watch can keep perfect time but a $10,000 computer can't?
-- Craig Bruce (2001-10-25, #733)

Being a soldier of a bullshit republic is a very hazardous occupation.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-10-22, #732)

Sitting on fences is hard on the butt.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-10-21, #731)

Any complex subject has at least two sides to it. If you find yourself reading an analysis that is presenting only one side, there is no need to continue reading.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-10-20, #730)

Every simple data type is a complex data type just waiting to happen.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-10-18, #729)

Being naturally intelligent will only take you so far. To be truly dangerous, you must recognize and adopt the intelligent ideas of others, even your enemies.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-09-13, #728)

Using incendiary devices is frequently an enlightening experience.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-08-06, #727)

It's interesting that Microsoft chose to use Red Rider's song "Lunatic Fringe" to promote Office XP on television.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-08-03, #726)

A fool and his data are soon parted.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-07-23, #725)

Isn't it amazing how we trust software to process our credit cards that can't even remove the spaces and dashes from the numbers?
-- Craig Bruce (2001-07-22, #724)

A team of people who are okay at everything will be okay. A team of people who are outstanding at mutually complementary things will be outstanding.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-07-18, #723)

Microsoft's anti-trust punishment should be a compulsory and immediate donation of $5-billion to the Free Software Foundation. This would shortly spell the end of Microsoft's tyranny.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-07-08, #722)

What the chip manufacturers really need to do is put a frequency divider inside of their CPUs. This way, they can advertise that they have a 16-GHz chip and sweep the market, while only actually producing a 1-GHz CPU core.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-07-08, #721) but he doesn't like it when you peek while he is doing so.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-07-06, #719)

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but the video camera is mightier than the pen.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-06-30, #718)

Sometimes my level of frustration exceeds my capability to not care. I shall endeavour to increase my capability to not care.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-06-27, #717)

Here is my impression of the XML encoding an image:

<matrix>
   <row>
      <pixel>
         <red>182</red>
         <green>162</green>
         <blue>111</blue>
         <alpha>255</alpha>
      </pixel>
      <pixel>
         <red>
            ...

Truth is Beauty. End of Message.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-06-20, #715)

GPL != "immoral". GPL == "immortal".
-- Craig Bruce (2001-06-19, #714)

RIGHT NOW: SOMEONE IS READING THIS.
-- Craig Bruce (1995-02-22, #713) [~VH]

All the world's a player and we are merely stages.
-- Craig Bruce (1995-11-08, #712) [or something like this]

When you only HAVE one basket, you tend to put all of your eggs into it.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-02-01, #711)

"User-Defiled"
-- Craig Bruce (1996-09-09, #710) [cf. "User defined"]

"The 'rip' of truth."
-- Craig Bruce (1996-10-08, #709) [cf. "The ring of truth"]

Most people like to live their LIFE without the middle 'F'.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-12-02, #708)

ASPs and Data Hostaging could be the .com boom-bust of 2001/2002.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-06-12, #707)

innovate, vb.: 1. To appropriate third-party technology through purchase, immitation, or theft and to integrate it into a de-facto, monopoly-position product. 2. To increase in size or complexity but not in utility; to reduce compatibility or interoperability. 3. To lock out competitors or to lock in users. 4. To charge more money; to increase prices or costs. 5. To acquire profits from investments in other companies but not from direct product or service sales. 6. To stifle or manipulate a free market; to extend monopoly powers into new markets. 7. To evade liability for wrong doings; to get off. 8. To purchase legislation, legistators, legislatures, or chiefs of state. 9. To mediate all transactions in a global economy; to embezzle; to co-opt power (coup d'état). Cf. innovate, English usage (antonym).
-- Craig Bruce (2001-06-01, #707)

The difference between proprietary and free software is the difference between mortality and immortality.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-05-30, #706)

If you don't give the theoriticans something inconsequential to do, there is a danger that they will get in the way of the real work.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-05-22, #705)

INS-19123: ISO Numeric Soup.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-05-21, #704)

Quantum Computing: Putting the 'N' in 'NP'.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-05-18, #703)

As American as lawsuit lottery!
-- Craig Bruce (2001-05-12, #702)

I am a doctor, but I don't play one on TV.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-05-10, #701)

XAS: XML Alphabet Soup.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-05-06, #700)

NASA cannot afford to be so close-minded about space tourism. The best way to secure funding for projects is popular interest, and space tourism promotes popular interest to the max. My $50K is standing by for my ticket.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-05-06, #699)

<xml:binary size="10">êj|u õé±`á</xml:binary>
-- Craig Bruce (2001-05-04, #698)

Oddly enough, "Luke, I am your father" is not the actual line from the movie.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-04-24, #697)

The true test of a reasonable man is that he has second thoughts.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-04-24, #696)

The phrase "spare the rod, spoil the child" should be banned for two reasons. Firstly, because it contians violent imagery. Secondly and more importantly, because it reveals a distrubing truth that society may have leaned so far left about raising children that the children have become screwed up as a result.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-04-24, #696)

Violence. What else can you expect from a crowd of retards who have no marketable skills for a global economy.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-04-21, #695) [referring to the Summit Of The Americas in Quebec City]

How many femtofurlongs in an exachain?
-- Craig Bruce (2001-04-20, #694) [referring to Imperial units of measure]

One vendor, one solution, one bias, one lock-in.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-04-19, #693)

We all know that 30-million people were killed during World War II. The unreported story, of course, is that ten times that many people died of natural causes during that same period of time.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-04-07, #692)

"A stuffed penguin on every desktop."
-- Craig Bruce (2001-04-04, #691)

You Americans are kind of strange. You act as if your founding fathers had the first clue about how to run an economy. Or the first clue about any policy for the modern world. Hell, Keynes hadn't even been born when your Constitution was drafted.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-03-31, #690)

Q: Who was the first world leader to apply Keynes' principles of economics? Did the leader even know he was doing this? Did it work?
-- Craig Bruce (2001-03-31, #689

[A: Hitler. Probably not. Like gangbusters. The lack of understanding of these principles by other nations was a significant but unreported cause of WW II.]

He may be white, but he's not Québécois white.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-03-29, #688)
(Commenting on the Quebec provincial government's policy towards vendors w.r.t. a salesman who speaks French as a second language)

tcl: Toy Creation Language.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-03-29, #687)

I find it too frustrating to watch those high-speed-car-chase reality cop shows on TV. Far too few of the bad guys end up getting killed.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-03-14, #686)

I think that you get a better return by investing in the winners of the next generation rather than in the losers of the previous generation.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-03-22, #685) [All of my charitable donations go to a university rather than to various poverty organizations]

Farmers have been basically economically useless for at least two decades. How long does it take to get into a different line of work?
-- Craig Bruce (2001-03-14, #685)

The sooner we finish the initial implementation, the sooner we can start fixing it.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-03-14, #684)

Factoid: Calcium, from which our bones and teeth are constructed, is a metal.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-02-21, #683)
[Hey, tin-grin!]

The lesson of the DMCA is that purchased legislation tends to be lop-sided.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-03-08, #682)

Microsoft's use of the word "innovation" should be read as "appropriation".
-- Craig Bruce (2001-03-02, #681)

Are prostitutes allowed to write off the depreciation of their capital equipment?
-- Craig Bruce (2001-03-02, #680)

strcmp("ahead of its time", "failure") == 0
-- Craig Bruce (2001-02-09, #679)

Well, if we didn't rationalize our behaviours, we would all go insane. Yeah... that's the ticket.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-01-31, #677)

The Commodore 64 gets a lot more 'bang for the byte' than most giant, bloated computers today!
-- Keith Pomakis & Craig Bruce (2001-01-31, #676)

Think about it. You are not going to positively influence people by alienating them. Even I know that.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-01-31, #675) [commenting on radical feminism]

Amazon.com: One-click credit-card-database theft.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-01-30, #674)

Litigation: a commonly accepted substitute for Innovation in the new economy.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-01-27, #673)

Java: write once, run anywhere... except Windows.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-01-26, #672)

Bruce's Law of Evolving Software Systems: Every software module needs to be rewritten every year.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-01-11, #671)

If a nuclear device ever needs to be used, then that device has _failed_ its purpose.
-- Craig Bruce (2001-01-08, #670)

Halloween sucks! I'm too short to be Darth Vader and too tall to be Dark Helmet.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-12-31, #669)

What's the easiest way to overthrow a banana-republic dictator? Just broadcast American television into the country's population centers.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-12-05, #668)

Gore won the election. Bush won the count.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-11-28, #667)

Why is it that centuries and millennia begin on years ending in '01, whereas decades begin on years ending in '0? Did the first decade only have nine years?
-- Craig Bruce (2000-11-21, #666)

Medical Drugs: A means for creating stronger diseases and weaker people.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-11-13, #665)

10th Normal Form, adj. A pejoritive expression of formalism going to far an interfering with usability, implementability. An extension of 3rd Normal Form.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-11-11, #664) [needs work]

92.35% of people don't like to hear that their behaviour is predictable.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-09-01, #663)

You can hide data communication inside of all sorts of fancy synchronous abstractions, but you can't hide 'slow'.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-06-09, #661) [Java RMI or any highly synchronous language scheme]

Bruce's Law: Any piece of software, when completed, needs to be rewritten.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-06-08, #660) [The initial implementation can be thought of as the 'Design Spec'. The actual Design Spec is worthless and you shouldn't have wasted your time writing it in the first place.]

GET RICH QUICK! Send me $200.00 and I'll tell you how to get people to send you money to tell them how to GET RICH QUICK!
-- Craig Bruce (2000-06-06, #659)

Brain, n.: In humans, a vestigial organ, once used for thought, today used mainly for ballast.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-06-06, #658)

No illegal-monopoly anti-interoperability products were used in the creation of this message.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-05-27, #657)

Crypto restrictions, anti-reverse-engineering, DMCA, UCITA, other purchased legislation... it seems surprising yet convenient that America wishes to commit technological suicide.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-05-27, #656)

Complexity: Kills Standards Dead.(TM)
-- Craig Bruce (2000-05-15, #655)

"Now with 20% more synergy."
-- Craig Bruce (2000-05-06, #654)

Who is the bigger fool? The fool who demands the impossible or the fool who comes in on weekends to do it?
-- Craig Bruce, (Saturday 2000-04-29, #653) [posted in reply to a Slashdot article, right before going into work...]

Here is pretty much the entire scope of any argument with a Bible Thumper:
Thumper: "The Bible says 'this'."
Rational: "That doesn't mean anything."
Thumper: "But the Bible says 'that'."
Rational: "But that doesn't mean anything."
Thumper: "But the Bible says that it does mean something."
Rational: "But it's the _Bible_ that says that the Bible means something... that doesn't mean anything."
Thumper: "But the Bible says 'this'...."
-- Craig Bruce (2000-04-23, #652)

Religion is a crutch used by the weak minded to help them feel better about their own inadequicities.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-04-23, #651)

A psychopath is someone who enjoys hurting people. A sociopath is someone who enjoys controlling people. An abusive spouse is the best of both worlds.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-04-06, #649)

The year 2000 seems like kind of a strange time. The politicians and legislatures are taking away freedoms and rights from consumers and citizens in favor of large corporations presumably because of ignorance and corruption, and simultaneously, the courts are beginning to recognize that consumers and software and technology geeks have certain inalienable rights. Don't expect the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) nor the Uniform Computer Information Transactions Act (UCITA) to stand up long in court, nor Click-o-matic End-User License Agreements (EULA), encryption control, obvious software patents, and the list goes on and on.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-03-28, #648)

Dynamic libraries: an experiment that failed.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-03-28, #647)

The only static design is a dead design.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-03-25, #646)

The correct spelling of "Glass Ceiling" is: C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-03-19, #645)

The only way to ensure peace is to kill all of your enemies.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-03-19, #644)

It just seems ironic that the people involved in open-standards organizations have their heads so far up Bill Gates' ass.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-03-13, #643) [i.e., disseminating information in MS-Word, PowerPoint, etc.]

Write once, _compile_ anywhere!
-- Craig Bruce (2000-02-14, #642)

Happiness is believing in whatever is most convenient.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-02-14, #641)

It's 11:00am. Do you know where your software developers are?
-- Craig Bruce (2000-02-11, #640)

The easiest way to stop is not to start.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-02-04, #639)

Anything that a government labels as "The People's", isn't.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-01-26, #638)

Instead of fighting wars the conventional way and spending tens of billions of dollars each day as in the Gulf War, they should just offer the families of the enemy soldiers $1,000,000.00 each for the soldier to commit suicide. This would probably be much less costly.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-01-22, #637)

"Religious Technology Center"... this sounds a bit disturbing. Religion + Technology = Terrorism.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-01-22, #636)

If it says 'this is not spam', it is.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-01-22, #635)

Implementing BASIC for the Altair 8800 was innovative. That's about it.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-01-14, #634) [commenting on Microsoft's "Innovation"]

America: Land of Opportunity.
Canada: Land of Welfare.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-01-14, #633)

Guns don't kill people. People with guns kill people.
-- Craig Bruce (2000-01-14, #632)

Have you ever noticed how all of the hot young female recording artists are unbelievably attractive? Kind of makes you wonder what the world is missing out on of the musical talents of young women who aren't quite so pretty.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-12-17, #631)

Q: What's the most successful advertising gimmick of all time?
A: Santa Claus.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-12-15, #630)

Video is even better than being there... you don't have to wait through the boring parts.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-12-11, #629)

I've been architecting systems since before you were just a tear in your father's condom!
-- Craig Bruce (1999-11-30, #628)

New features, Good quality, On time -- choose two.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-11-30, #629)

Open source code never dies; its distinctiveness is just assimilated by more-successful open-source projects.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-11-30, #628)

2000: The beginning of the new millennium for people who can't count.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-11-28, #627)

Most people probably wouldn't believe that the "dark side" of the moon is only dark 1/2 of the time.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-11-13, #626)

When all else fails, enumerate the cases.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-11-04, #625)

Been there, done that, got the degree.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-10-14, #624)

There has always been war because war is more profitable than peace to those who are really in control of things.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-10-12, #623)

Professor: A device for converting coffee into theorems.
Student: A device for converting alcohol into [poor grades].
-- Craig Bruce (1999-09-20, #622) [write in suggestions]

Have you ever noticed how Alabama vaguely resembles the profile of Bart Simpson? And Mississippi, Marge?
-- Craig Bruce (1999-09-13, #621)

Non-orthogonality in design is cancerous.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-09-07, #620)

Anyone who routinely uses the term 'community' is full of shit.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-09-02, #619)

Social balance breeds mediocrity.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-08-27, #618)

Have you ever noticed how people in sitcoms almost never laugh at each other's jokes?
-- Craig Bruce (1999-07-21, #616)

The real Y2K bug is that there was no year zero.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-03-22, #615)

There is no such thing as 'Hamlet version 1.1'.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-03-20, #614)

There is no one more difficult to pigeonhole than a reasonable man.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-03-14, #613)

Igornance is bliss. Stupidity must be quite pleasant too, given its popularity.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-02-22, #612)

Why is it that whenever you see a photograph of the Earth from space, the landmass that is showing is always Africa? Are all of the satellites in the sky secretly owned by Zimbabwe?
-- Craig Bruce (1999-02-08, #611)

Q: Why didn't they develop today's level of technology thousands of years ago?
A: Religion.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-02-07, #610)

People can be so short sighted. The Cold War is probably responsible for 95% of the technology that we use every day.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-02-06, #609)

If all of Canada were one big company and all information and products were freely shared between departments in good faith, we would be the world technology leader in... everything.
-- Craig the Commie (1999-02-03, #608)

Right now, people in the southern hemisphere at looking at the Sun... UPSIDE DOWN!
-- Craig Bruce (1999-02-02, #607)

"They are firing on us!"
"Hold fire."
"They are firing on us again."
"Hold fire."
"Weapons have been destroyed."
"Plot an escape course, maximum warp."
"Engines are offline."
"Shit."
-- (ANY Star Trek space battle) Craig Bruce (1999-02-02, #606) [How did the Federation survive by being such pussies?]

One of these years, the private high-speed Internet carriers are going to figure out that they can't handle the load caused by routing every single packet through their network backbone and over half the continent just to send it to a site next door. Their networks are already beginning to melt down. They will eventually unravel the Untra Secret of 'locality of reference,' which has been known by every network techie for the past 30 years.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-02-01, #605)

A good manager needs only to do two things:
1. Hire talented people to do the work; and
2. Stay the hell out of their way.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-01-30, #604)

Being a pessimist means always having a contingency plan.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-01-30, #603)

In just two years, all of the products named 'Blah-2000'... are going to be passe.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-01-30, #602)

Why was there a second world war? Because the weapons systems had advanced enough since the first world war that they needed field testing. Fortunately, the need to test the latest generation of weapons was confined to the Middle East.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-01-29, #601)

"One Unix."
-- Craig Bruce (1999-01-29, #600)

Lesbians don't have intercourse, they have 'outercourse'.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-01-29, #599)

Elderly people and infant children have one thing in common: Each thinks that the world revolves around them. Unfortunately, the old people can talk...
-- Craig Bruce (1999-01-24, #598)

Less smalltalk, more plot!
-- Craig Bruce (1999-01-24, #597)

Microsoft will suffer the same fate as IBM. They were late in recognizing the importance of Internet, but by doing an about-face on that issue and by crushing the right competitors, they were able to turn that around before it was too late. That their business model (proprietary incompatibility) completely precludes them from using the 'Open Source' concept... gives me warm fuzzies.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-01-21, #596)

The new security is so good that even legitimate users have to hack their way in.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-01-20, #595)

It's odd that those Budweiser commercials show young men involved in risky outdoor adventures rather than fat slobs sitting around on a couch watching a football game.
-- Craig Bruce (1999-01-20, #594)

Bruce's First Law of General System Dynamics:
Things are always more complicated than you would like them to be.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-12-30, #593)

Bruce's law of Global Policing:
Peacekeeping is stretching a war out to its longest possible duration.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-11-14, #592)

Rogers' Law: If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing.
Bruce's Corollary to Rogers' Law: If it's worth doing, it's worth doing over (right).
-- Craig Bruce (1998-11-14, #591)

Bruce's Generalized Theory of Social Dynamics:  F = m * a.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-11-03, #590) ['Nuff said.]

He is a doctor of mathematics. 'The Math' is with him.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-10-29, #589)

Never underestimate the ability of a large corporation... to FUCK UP!
-- Craig Bruce (1998-10-17, #588)

The United States would not be able to win another war against Japan. The US is too dependent on Japan for the electronic components of its weapons systems.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-09-15, #587)

Isn't it funny how circumstances always seem to be 'extraneous'?
(especially in court)
-- Craig Bruce (1998-09-03, #586)

Of course man will eventually travel to the stars.
Why else would they be there?
-- Craig Bruce (1998-08-29, #585)

IP addresses seem to be as scarse as radio spectrum these days. God created the usable radio specrum. The IP problem is entirely a man-made problem of lack of foresight... one of entirely too many.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-08-17, #584)

It's much easier to like me when I'm not around.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-08-02, #583)

I am worried about the fate of humanity. My parent's generation was the last where women made rational choices about the fathers of their children. Today, young women just look for the most extravagant loser they can find. In 200 years, all intelligence will have been bred out of the human race.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-08-01, #582)

Yeah, all NF types really hate it when I make sweeping generalizations about groups of people.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-07-26, #579)
[They hate the notion that people can be sorted into neat little boxes. Of course, their personality profile predicts this response.]

Canada has a very low birth rate. It seems that only the poor can afford to have babies.... Huh??
-- Craig Bruce (1998-06-30, #576)

What does it matter if WebTone(TM) services are 99.99999999% reliable if Microsoft Windows(TM) is only 80% reliable?
-- Craig Bruce (1998-06-15, #574)

If it feels like way too much, then maybe it's almost enough.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-05-27, #570)

Oh, come on! Paganism is just bullshit. Why can't you admit that it's all just an excuse to indulge in the cheesy, pretentious symbolism and mythology that you all seem to get off on; to make believe in childish fantasies that you have strange supernatural powers; and to socialize, party, get drunk, get naked, and have all kinds of weird and crazy sex. Now, I'm not saying that there's anything really wrong with this, but I think that you should be honest enough with yourself to call a spade a spade.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-05-23, #568) [similar things could be said of all religions, except maybe the sex part]

Why should we study the neutrino? Well, we can't know what we will find, but I point out that we've made out pretty well with our understanding of the electron.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-05-06, #567)

Good business might be defined as coming up with good ideas, but I would say that it is also well defined as having the courage to get rid of the bad ideas.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-04-30, #566) [still under construction (needs to drip with bitter sarcasm)]

I am so bloody tired of seeing $50,000,000.00 worth of special effects being paired up with $500.00 worth of script.
-- Craig Bruce (1998-04-22, #565)

I like to sing along with the Barenaked Ladies' song "If I had $1,000,000" substituting the phrase "WHEN I have $1,000,000".
--Craig Bruce (1998-04-19, #562)

The Six Clicks of Separation: In the wired world, a person from your distant past that you might want to reach out to could be only six mouse clicks away.
--Craig Bruce (1998-04-18, #561) [Alternatively, they could be living less than six kilometers away. ;-)]

Whoever said that life is fair? Well, here goes: 'LIFE IS FAIR'. Now whenever someone trots out that horrible aphorism, you can tell them that *I* said it.
--Craig Bruce (1998-04-10, #559)

When a court dispenses moral judgements rather than legal ones, that is called Fascism.
--Craig Bruce (1998-04-10, #558)

I fight for Truth, Honour, Justice... and Babes!
--Craig Bruce (1998-01-28, #552) [mocking movie heros]

Craig's Romantic Poetry, poem #1:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You won't fuck me
So fuck you!
--Craig Bruce (1998-01-28, #551)

Anarchist, n.: A person who has never lived in an anarchic state.
--Craig Bruce (1998-01-20, #550)

No dumb chicks!
--Craig Bruce (1998-01-20, #549) [cf. of course "no fat chicks"]

Lust conquers all.
--Craig Bruce (1998-01-20, #548)

You know that you are in love when all those sappy old love songs suddenly make perfect sense.
--Craig Bruce (1997-11-28, #544)

Microshaft slogan: 'Where do we want you to go today?' (TM)
-- Craig Bruce (1997-08-30, #541)

Job Interviewer: "What is your biggest fault?"
Craig: "My biggest fault is that I have very little patience for stupid, rote questions."
-- Craig Bruce (1997-04-25, #539)

One thing that I have noticed in my 28 years is that people are extraordinarily diligent about representing their own interests.
-- Craig Bruce (1997-02-28, #536)

The worse things get, the stupider the euphemisms become.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-01-24, #535)

The difference between an algorithm and a program: The algorithm is what you wanted... The program is what you got.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-01-22, #534)

I can't decide which is scarier: The arrogance of the state or the ignorance of the jury.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-12-30, #532)

In terms of effort, the difference between 0 and 1 is about 10,000.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-12-17, #531)

Bruce's Theorem: Most people are stupid.
Pomakis' Corollary: Everyone thinks _he_ is the exception.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-12-11, #530)

They say that you can measure how advanced a society is by how well it treats its prisoners. More cynically, I say that you can measure this same 'advancedness' by how extensively it punishes the innocent.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-11-20, #526)

That's pronounced 'Car-Pay' Diem, not 'Crappy' Diem, you dummy!
-- Craig Bruce (1996-11-11, #523)

Nothing is so simple as something you don't understand.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-10-31, #519)

Bruce's First Law of Leadership: If you pretend to know what you are doing, most people will believe you.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-10-08, #513)

It isn't whether you win or lose; it's how you rationalize the experience afterwards.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-10-08, #512)

F=m·a. Everything else is derived.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-09-30, #511)

Well, let's just say that I have more faith in technology than I have in humanity's inherent good nature.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-09-27, #509)

Writing a computer program is a science. Writing a computer program _that works_ is an art.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-08-30, #507)

Lisp: Death by a thousand parentheses.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-08-20, #506)

We all have differences... this is the one thing we all have in common.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-08-17, #504)

We all choose our Fate.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-08-17, #502)

Computer Scientist, debug thyself!
-- Craig Bruce (1996-07-05, #500)

Ironically and predictibly, it's the so-called 'Freedom Fighters' who are the _Real_ threat to individual freedom in the modern world.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-06-14, #499)

Loving relationships: It's not all magic -- there's some smoke and mirrors involved, too.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-06-05, #498)

You only live once, but you can be broke forever!
-- Craig Bruce (1996-05-09, #495)

lim  later(x) == Never.
x->oo

Giving up is a slipery slope.
-- Craig Bruce (1996-03-14, #490)

 %%%
CSB485. 1996/03/06 -----
"Curling: The thinking man's Hockey."

-- Craig Bruce (1996-03-06 #485)


CSB483. 1996/03/01 -----
"Canada: Democracy of the major banks, by the major banks, for the major banks."

-- Craig Bruce (1996-03-01 #483)


CSB482. 1996/02/29 -----
"Maybe money can't buy happiness, but a lack of money SURE can buy unhappiness."

-- Craig Bruce (1996-02-29 #482)


CSB481. 1996/02/15 -----
"Isn't it funny how the first four letters of the word 'analyze' are 'anal'."

-- Craig Bruce (1996-02-15 #481)


CSB478. 1996/01/28 -----
"Language, n.: A blunt instrument to be used to beat about the head those
 who do not understand."

-- Craig Bruce (1996-01-28 #478)


CSB475. 1996/01/15 -----
"A whole new universe of possibility opens up just as soon as you realize
 that Einstein was a short-sighted simp."

-- Craig Bruce (1996-01-15 #475)


CSB467. 1995/12/05 -----
"Microsoft Windows '95: Combining 1984 user-interface technology with 1970's
 operating-system technology and 1995 hype."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-12-05 #467)


CSB466. 1995/12/05 -----
"That's a good choice, Sir: why, I have the exact same model at home!"
                             -- any untrustworthy sales-scum

-- Craig Bruce (1995-12-05 #466)


CSB464. 1995/11/28 -----
"Charisma is a generally accepted substitute for talent."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-11-28 #464)


CSB463. 1995/11/28 -----
"Money makes things possible; ideas make things happen."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-11-28 #463)


CSB461. 1995/11/28 -----
"To put off a decision is to limit your options."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-11-28 #461)


CSB457. 1995/11/16 -----
"Advertisement slogan for the Christian movement #4:
 Christianity for young mathematicians: All of the proof, none of the work!"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-11-16 #457)


CSB456. 1995/11/16 -----
"Advertisement slogan for the Christian movement #3:
 The Young Christian Movement: Our girls will believe _anything_!"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-11-16 #456)


CSB455. 1995/11/16 -----
"Advertisement slogan for the Christian movement #2:
 Christianity: The doberman of dogmas."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-11-16 #455)


CSB454. 1995/11/16 -----
"Advertisement phrase for the Christian movement #1:
 It's a dogma-eat-dogma world out there."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-11-16 #454)


CSB451. 1995/11/16 -----
"USENET News: The Information Supercollider."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-11-16 #451)


CSB449. 1995/11/16 -----
"One man who's not afraid to face the horrible truth
 ...or to invent some horrible truth to face."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-11-16 #449)


CSB448. 1995/11/16 -----
"Merry XXXXXXXXX... Season."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-11-16 #448)


CSB446. 1995/11/16 -----
"You just have to read between the lies."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-11-16 #446)


CSB445. 1995/11/16 -----
"It is unfortunate that the behaviours most likely to get a man charged with
 sexual harassment are also the behaviours most likely to get him laid."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-11-16 #445)


CSB441. 1995/10/28 -----
"We have always heard from the poverty groups that the top 10% of income
 earners never pay any taxes, and now we're hearing that only the top 10% of
 income earners are going to benefit from the massive tax cuts being
 proposed by government (at the expense of transfer payments to the poor).
 So, which lie is true?"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-10-28 #441)


CSB438. 1995/10/11 -----
"I wonder if holding a 'Heroinfest' would attract any more drug addicts."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-10-11 #438) [Referring to the local
'Oktoberfest' beer festival, in Kitchener, Ontario.]


CSB437. 1995/10/10 -----
"Not giving a shit means never having to say that you're sorry."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-10-10 #437)


CSB436. 1995/10/01 -----
"To those pharmaceutical-bottle makers out there: Just imagine that there is
 this one household out there... somewhere... just hypothetically
 speaking... that _DOESN'T_ have any children!"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-10-01 #436)


CSB435. 1995/09/30 -----
"O.J. Simpson acquittal == travesty of justice.
 O.J. Simpson conviction == L.A. Riots, Part Deux."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-09-30 #435)


CSB434. 1995/09/30 -----
"Think about it this way: How can you be held responsible for thoughts,
 memories, behaviour patterns, and deeds that you have left behind in a
 three-and-a-half-pound bag of rotting meat?"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-09-30 #434)


CSB432. 1995/09/11 -----
"...and since it's done at a lower level of software, it's done at zero cost..."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-09-11 #432)


CSB431. 1995/09/08 -----
"No cause too high, no tactic too low."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-09-08 #431)


CSB430. 1995/09/07 -----
"Disbelief is a luxury."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-09-07 #430)


CSB429. 1995/09/05 -----
"The great thing about being government is that if you are losing the game,
 then you can simply change the rules."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-09-05 #429)


CSB427. 1995/09/04 -----
"Seven-high beats no cards."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-09-04 #427)


CSB426. 1995/08/24 -----
"The political message about 'working within the law' of the movie
 _Clear and Present Danger_ might be a bit self-defeating...
 At the end of the movie, all of the Columbian drug lords are dead.
 Is this supposed to be a bad thing?"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-08-24 #426)


CSB425. 1995/08/16 -----
"From a non-owner's perspective: At least cats don't bark!"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-08-16 #425)


CSB422. 1995/08/12 -----
"She keeps me grounded... how else could I get shocked to death?!"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-08-12 #422)


CSB420. 1995/08/08 -----
"Work, n.: That which happens when one's level of frustration exceeds one's
 tendency for procrastination."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-08-08 #420)


CSB419. 1995/08/08 -----
"The once-proud apostrophe: the great victim of our illiterate time."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-08-08 #419)


CSB417. 1995/08/08 -----
"A country whose leader wears a military uniform is a war waiting to happen."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-08-08 #417)


CSB415. 1995/08/06 -----
"The Eskimos have some 14 words that mean 'snow'.  English-speaking people
 must have at least 500 words that mean 'stupid person'."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-08-06 #415) [Environmental
adaptation.]


CSB414. 1995/08/06 -----
"The irony, of course, is that if the entire herd of antelope were to turn
 and trample the lion, the lion wouldn't stand a chance."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-08-06 #414)


CSB413. 1995/08/06 -----
"Children, n.: The foolproof way to insure that poor people stay poor."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-08-06 #413)


CSB411. 1995/08/06 -----
"My personal project-leadership philosophy:
 'Fuck the bureaucracy, Do it right'."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-08-06 #411)


CSB410. 1995/07/30 -----
"I've got a better solution: Let's just keep the little shits off the Internet!"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-07-30 #410)


CSB408. 1995/07/22 -----
(After spending several hours figuring out a stupid bug):
"Why does Fate have to be so God-damned petty?!"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-07-22 #408)


CSB403. 1995/07/07 -----
"Left-Wing, adj.: Subscribing to the belief that all social problems can be
 fixed by the suitable application of artificial force."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-07-07 #403)


CSB403b. 1995/07/09 -----
"Right-Wing, adj.: Subscribing to the belief that all social problems can be
 solved by greater investment in big business."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-07-09 #403b)


CSB400. 1995/06/30 -----
"Q: Why are universities so heavily regulated by government?
 A: Because it is easy to regulate them."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-06-30 #400)


CSB399. 1995/06/27 -----
"All organized religion is a lie."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-06-27 #399)


CSB395. 1995/06/19 -----
"Divisiveness is always an easy sell."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-06-19 #395)


CSB392. 1995/06/12 -----
"Linux: Ask not what your operating system can do for you;
        ask what you can do for your operating system."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-06-12 #392)


CSB391. 1995/06/07 -----
"Insight don't come cheap."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-06-07 #391)


CSB390. 1995/06/05 -----
"The Crown should plea bargain Paul Bernardo's case down to a misdemeanor and
 sentence him to one week in open prison... that should take care of things."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-06-05 #390)


CSB389. 1995/06/05 -----
"The Internet has two things in abundance: CRAP ...and wisdom."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-06-05 #389)


CSB388. 1995/05/24 -----
"Kids today have video games where we had inexpensive 8-bit computers to
 play with when we were young.  I wonder if they are going to have the same
 deep technical understanding of how computers work when they get to
 university that we had, in addition to an incredible eye-hand
 coordination."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-05-24 #388)


CSB387. 1995/05/23 -----
"If their social condition is so abominable,
 then why are they the happiest people alive?"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-05-23 #387)


CSB386. 1995/05/15 -----
"My personal design philosophy: 'No compromises, no apologies.'"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-05-15 #386)


CSB384. 1995/05/06 -----
"...But that's all just a bridge under the water now..."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-05-06 #384)


CSB383. 1995/05/06 -----
"What do I think?!  I think that you should increase your dosage!!"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-05-06 #383)


CSB382. 1995/05/06 -----
"Interesting: I don't actually know any Doctors who debug _people_."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-05-06 #382)


CSB379. 1995/05/04 -----
"The Lord is my shepherd
 I am a sheep
 Forever and ever
 Amen."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-05-04 #379)


CSB377. 1995/05/02 -----
"In high school, most popular students' self-esteem comes at the expense of
 someone else."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-05-02 #377)


CSB376. 1995/04/24 -----
"Ignorance breeds religion;
 religion breeds devotion;
 devotion breeds ignorance."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-04-24 #376)


CSB374. 1995/04/17 -----
Hinds' Seventh Law: "Make it possible for programmers to write programs
in English, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English."

Bruce's Seventh Law: "Make it possible for programmers to write programs
in C, and you will find that programmers cannot write in C."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-04-17 #374)


CSB373. 1995/04/07 -----
"'I can prove this all correct by starting with the axiom that this is all
  correct' -- that is such GARBAGE!!"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-04-07 #373) [Craig is suspicious
of the logical basis of religion.]


CSB372. 1995/04/05 -----
"The Programmer's Mantra: 'Why?  Because it _wasn't_ there.'"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-04-05 #372)


CSB371. 1995/03/28 -----
"At least they call it 'equity', which is a financial term, rather than
 'equality', which is both a legal and a mathematical term."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-03-28 #371)


CSB369. 1995/03/24 -----
"If God had intended for us to fly, He would have given us brains large enough
 to figure out how to build airplanes."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-03-24 #369)


CSB367. 1995/03/20 -----
"Top 10 Signs that a Debater has a Weak Argument:

 10. He must be evasive and cannot answer your questions directly.
  9. He has to change the phrasing of your arguments in order to address them.
  8. He is forced to talk about 'greater goods' (also an indication that he is
     secretly ashamed of what he is advocating).
  7. -
  6. He calls you 'well adjusted' and then bails out of the debate.
  5. He consistently fails to use the phrase 'I think' where it applies.
  4. He begins a paragraph with the word 'surely'.
  3. He uses the word 'obviously' on the critical path of his logic where
     there is no mathematical type of implication.
  2. He calls you stupid exclusively because you don't agree with him.

  And the #1 sign that a debater has a weak argument......

  1. He is forced to talk about 'sending strong messages' to people."

[Still under construction]

-- Craig Bruce (1995-03-20 #367)


CSB365. 1995/03/17 -----
"You people are such fucking hero worshippers!"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-03-17 #365)


CSB363. 1995/03/14 -----
"...Furthermore, the committee recommends that the departments of the members
 of the committee be given a greater share of the university's resources."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-03-14 #363) [Paraphrase of one
of the recommendations made by the Ad Hoc Committee on Harassment and
Discrimination at UW.] 


CSB361. 1995/03/10 -----
"New Politically Correct term for 'womyn': 'person of gender'."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-03-10 #361)


CSB357. 1995/02/09 -----
"Who cares if they pass the Clipper chip in Canada?  You just have to
 remember to PGP before you Clipper."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-02-09 #357)


CSB354. 1995/01/28 -----
"Fate: The meaningless formality of playing out the inevitable."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-01-28 #354)


CSB353. 1995/01/18 -----
"Bruce's Law: If computing capacity is doubling every year,
 then software bloat is tripling."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-01-18 #353)


CSB351. 1995/01/13 -----
"Have you been flamed on the Net?  You could be entitled to a CASH
 settlement!  Call the law offices of Screwem & Howe for your free
 consultation.  Know your LEGAL rights!"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-01-13 #351) [Annoying TV commercial;
someone else is always liable for your disasterous choices.]


CSB350. 1995/01/05 -----
"Your Friendly Neighborhood Cable Company: Bringing you the 500-channel
 universe... a few channels at a time, and charging you an extra $3.50 each
 step of the way."

-- Craig Bruce (1995-01-05 #350)


CSB349. 1995/01/04 -----
"1994: The international year of the professional sport.... NOT!"

-- Craig Bruce (1995-01-04 #349)


CSB348. 1995/01/01 -----
"And then on the eighth day, God said, 'Let there be Internet'.
 And there was, and God was pleased."
      -- A passage from _The Revised Bible_ of the year 3995.

-- Craig Bruce (1995-01-01 #348)


CSB347. 1994/12/25 -----
"Which is more powerful, God's infinite omniscience or my Free Will?"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-12-25 #347)


CSB344. 1994/12/22 -----
"Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will."

"Bruce's Law: If *nothing* can go wrong, IT WILL!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-12-22 #344)


CSB343. 1994/12/21 -----
"Any extreme point of view is naive."
(Except my own, of course...)

-- Craig Bruce (1994-12-21 #343)


CSB342. 1994/12/17 -----
"...Commemorating International Violence Week^H^H^H^HMonth^H^H^H^H^HYear^H^H^H^H
 Decade^H^H^H^H^H^H^HCentury^H^H^H^H^H^H^HMillennium^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^HEon^H^H^H
 Universe Oscillation."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-12-17 #342)


CSB341. 1994/12/10 -----
"...Introducing the new Intel Pentiul processor... well, close enough."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-12-10 #341)


CSB337. 1994/12/06 -----
"Just one note about those 14 women who were murdered at Ecole Polytechnique
 in Montreal: *I* didn't kill them!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-12-06 #337)


CSB335. 1994/11/30 -----
"Instead of the verbose euphemism 'Person of color', how about just 'Person'?"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-11-30 #335)


CSB334. 1994/11/29 -----
"Some criminals can't handle their freedom, so we're taking away *YOURS*!"
        -- The Government of Canada, 1994 (paraphrased)

-- Craig Bruce (1994-11-29 #334)


CSB333. 1994/11/29 -----
"Do you really think that the criminals care how tightly you apply the screws
 to everyone *but* them?"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-11-29 #333)


CSB331. 1994/11/29 -----
"The Joy of Political Correctness: If it _looks_ good, do it!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-11-29 #331)


CSB329. 1994/11/29 -----
"The Canadian Television Anti-Violence League: Working for a kinder, gentler
 Americ... er, Canada."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-11-29 #329)


CSB328. 1994/11/29 -----
"In the year 2394, assuming a 2% annual rate of inflation, your great great
 great great great great great great great great great great great great
 grandchildren will be paying $7024.39 per month to Bell Canada for the
 privilege of using Touch-Tone service on their residential lines."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-11-29 #328)


CSB327. 1994/11/23 -----
"Vapour trail, n.: The over-powering scent trail left behind by a woman who is
 wearing way too much perfume... some men too."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-11-23 #327)


CSB323. 1994/11/22 -----
"Bruce's First Law of the Conservation of Energy:
     You don't have to be friends with every person you meet."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-11-22 #323)


CSB322. 1994/11/20 -----
"Here is my bid to save the Internet:
 its       : belonging to 'it'
 it's      : contraction of 'it is'
 there     : not here, but... there
 their     : belonging to 'them'
 they're   : contraction of 'they are'
 argument  : no E after the U
 John's    : belonging to 'John'
 different : should be followed by 'from'
 affect    : not to be confused with 'effect'
 'i.e.,'   : 'ie.' is wrong
 X and I   : 'he and I went to school' and 'it belongs to him and me'
 high-school students : the hyphen needs to be there!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-11-20 #322)


CSB320. 1994/11/19 -----
"Q: How many personal-injury lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

 A: About five hundred.  The first 499 will develop various neck and wrist
    injuries, be cut by broken glass, be electrocuted, be taken out by no
    printed warnings about injesting glass and metal, suffocate, be hit by
    busses, etc..."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-11-19 #320)


CSB315. 1994/11/16 -----
"Magalomaniacs of the 20th century: Adolf Hitler, Walt Disney, and Bill Gates.
 Hard to say which one of them has had the most destructive impact on human
 society, although one of them is still alive..."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-11-16 #315)


CSB312. 1994/11/08 -----
"The Fast Bruce Transform:
 'due to time constraints' --> 'because of our poor time management...'."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-11-08 #312)


CSB311. 1994/10/30 -----
"You know that the defendant is squeaky clean when the defense's primary
 objective is to suppress evidence."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-10-30 #311)


CSB310. 1994/10/30 -----
"I give you the greatest gift that I have to give: My absence."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-10-30 #310)


CSB308. 1994/10/25 -----
"Craig's Modern Nursery Rhymes #2:

 Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
 Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
 And all the King's horses and all the King's men
 Got their asses sued off by Humpty's next of kin."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-10-25 #308)


CSB307. 1994/10/24 -----
"Craig's Modern Nursery Rhymes #1:

 One-two buckle my shoe, three-four shut the door, five-six pick up sticks,
 seven-eight lay them straight, nine-ten found a used needle of hero-in."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-10-24 #307)


CSB306. 1994/10/23 -----
"I just saw this wildlife preservation commercial and they showed some
 rescued sea animals and guess what they were feeding them -- FISH!!
 *snicker*  I'll bet the fish died naturally of old age.  *snort*
 Their motto must be 'we kill and feed no animal to a carnivore before
 its time'.  I guess that some animals are just not as cute as others."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-10-23 #306)


CSB305. 1994/10/22 -----
"Don't look now, but it looks like there might be some Media in the Violence."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-10-22 #305)


CSB303. 1994/10/20 -----
"...A proud Canadian-Canadian."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-10-20 #303)


CSB301. 1994/10/12 -----
"Bruce's Law: Governments are not generally opposed to acquiring more power."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-10-12 #301)


CSB300. 1994/09/27 -----
"None are so Politically Correct as those who will not have to suffer the
 consequences."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-09-27 #300)


CSB299. 1994/09/27 -----
"I think it'd be a great morale booster to see the Ontario Government's plan
 to turn its work force into 52% female, at all levels of rank, by 1996.
 Certainly they have one, since they would only lead by example..."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-09-27 #299)


CSB297. 1994/09/26 -----
"In Gaud we trust."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-09-26 #297)


CSB296. 1994/09/25 -----
"It's a good thing that only Americans were killed; if any Canadians had have
 been killed then that would have been a real tragedy."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-09-25 #296)


CSB293. 1994/09/21 -----
"I'd say the odds are about 50/50, plus or minus four percentage points,
 nineteen times out of twenty, assuming we have a perfectly random sample,
 and assuming that the sample comes from a mathematically perfect normal
 distribution."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-09-21 #293) [Craig questions the
link between mathematics and human behaviour.]


CSB292. 1994/09/20 -----
"My Internet includes anarchy."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-09-20 #292)


CSB289. 1994/09/14 -----
"Name: Craig S. Bruce.
 Race: Human."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-09-14 #289)


CSB288. 1994/09/14 -----
"Q: How long does it need to take to rid the world of the ills of racism and
    sexism?
 A: One generation.
 Q: How long WILL it take?
 A: Probably longer..."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-09-14 #288)


CSB286. 1994/09/12 -----
"This is a test of the Emergency Censoring System.  This is only a test.  XXX
 XX XXX XXXX XXX XXX XXXX XXX XX XXXX XX XXX XXX XX XXXXX XXXXXXX.  This has
 been a test of the Emergency Censoring System.  If there had been an actual
 emergency, you would have heard nothing at all."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-09-12 #286)


CSB285. 1994/09/07 -----
"Clear products: Kind of makes you wonder how many chemicals they have to pump
 into the shit to make it transparent!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-09-07 #285)


CSB284. 1994/09/02 -----
"Never underestimate the destructive power of a good intention."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-09-02 #284)


CSB283. 1994/08/16 -----
"Join the Long-Line Boycott.  Don't read any line of electronic text that has
 more than 80 characters on it!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-08-16 #283)


CSB281. 1994/08/08 -----
"'Lightning never strikes twice,' but, in the general case, lightning only has
 to strike once."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-08-08 #281)


CSB278. 1994/08/04 -----
"If you think that you love someone, then you do."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-08-04 #278)


CSB276. 1994/08/03 -----
"His mind is like a steel cage: Nothing gets in and nothing gets out."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-08-03 #276)


CSB275. 1994/08/02 -----
"Mental Inertia: A mind in motion will tend to stay in motion, and a mind at
 rest will tend to stay at rest, unless acted upon by some outside kick in
 the ass."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-08-02 #275)


CSB274. 1994/07/28 -----
"Truth has no political allegiance."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-07-28 #274)


CSB273. 1994/07/28 -----
"The Information Superhighway . . . will be a great service to humanity, will
 allow true democracy, and will revolutionize the pornography industry."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-07-28 #273)


CSB272. 1994/07/27 -----
"Repeat after me... 'I should have started my project one day earlier',
 'I should have started my project one day earlier', 'I should have...' ..."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-07-27 #272)


CSB271. 1994/07/25 -----
"Y'know, there is no patent on stupidity... you could be a very rich person!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-07-25 #271)


CSB270. 1994/07/22 -----
"A bomb that can destroy an entire city!??  Ridiculous!!"
"Men walking on the moon!??  Preposterous!!"
"People flying between the stars!??  Absurd!!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-07-22 #270)


CSB266. 1994/07/16 -----
"One small step for a person, one giant leap for humankind."
        - astronaut Nicola Armstrong, while stepping onto the moon, 1969:
               _The_Revised_Theirstory_of_Humankind_

-- Craig Bruce (1994-07-16 #266)


CSB265. 1994/07/10 -----
"I question any system of logic that requires song as an integral component of
 its dissemination."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-07-10 #265)


"I don't do drugs."  I love it when people say that to me.  What exactly
do you think that alcohol is, a mineral?

-- Craig Bruce (1994-07-06 #264)


It may not be such a terrible tragedy if, while cleaning a frying
pan, you accidentally scrape off some of the teflon that your food is
sticking to."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-06-29 #263)


New studies show that 100% of all smokers die.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-06-28 #262) [Dumb people are easily
bamboozled by misleading statistics.]


You cannot attack a man's character if he hasn't any to begin with.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-06-24 #261)


There is nothing to fear but fear itself.  Well, actually, there's
getting shot, blown up, beaten up, taken prisoner, losing limbs, losing
organs, being tortured, pain, suffering, death, ...

-- Craig Bruce (1994-06-18 #260)


Quite frankly, I find dog shit on the sidewalk infinitely more offensive
than the contents of newsgroups that I'm not forced to read.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-06-18 #259)


Warning: An asteroid will hit the Earth in 25 days.  Please evacuate
the planet in an orderly fashion."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-06-09 #256)


Pay them $1000.00 and they might stir some dust for you, but give them
a T-shirt and they'll move mountains.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-06-08 #253)


The Dark Side of _The Source_: Inline documentation.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-05-21 #248)


Eureka!!  I've found it, a proof that P = NP!  And it's so simple!  But,
unfortunately, there's not quite enough room to fit it in this quotation...
(Bruce's Last Theorem)

-- Craig Bruce (1994-05-21 #247) [Methinks Fermat was
a fake!]


The fact that muggers prefer to attack older women is indefensible and
blatantly obscene!  In addition to the slap on the wrist and two months in
jail that these violent criminals receive, they must be given eight more
years and a $100,000 fine for discriminating on the bases of age and sex."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-05-05 #244)


Heavy sarcasm is the sincerest form of flattery...

-- Craig Bruce (1994-05-05 #243)


So you worship God; well, God worships me, so now you must worship
me also.  For proof that God worships me, see previous sentence.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-05-05 #242)


What do women want?  The same things that you would want if you were
a woman.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-05-05 #241)


Metric Meg, noun: A unit of 1,000,000 bytes of computer storage,
as opposed to a standard Meg, which stores 1,048,576 bytes.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-05 #238)


Lawyer Logic, noun: The system of logic used by lawyers to 'prove' cases
in a court of law.  An example of a theorem in this system of logic is:
If there is the slightest even most remote possible chance that event A
might have happened and if it is advantageous for the lawyer presenting
the argument that event A happened, then event A did indeed happen with
absolute certainty, 100% guaranteed, yes-sir-ee.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-05 #237)


...But that would be a 'post-hoc' fallacy; it would be like saying
that the fish disappeared off the coast of Newfoundland because people
were too upset by seeing baby seals being clubbed to death on the evening
news... er, well, umm, let's pick a different example...

-- Craig Bruce (1994-05 #236)


I knew that they could grow seedless fruits, but I think it's amazing
that they can raise boneless chickens.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-05 #235)


Yes, despite its simplicity, your test case is indeed UG-LY-complete.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-04-29 #234)


If, after extensive tweaking, your program is still too slow, try
dropping a few 'sleep(-1)'s into it.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-04-29 #233)


God is a RAPIST!  Well he fucked Mary without her consent didn't he?

-- Craig Bruce (1994-04-28 #232)


Only a dying language needs legal protection.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-04-22 #230)


...but then, Mathematics is just Applied Computer Science anyway...

-- Craig Bruce (1994-04-21 #228)


Lawyerocracy, noun: Government in which lawyers hold all real power
and citizens are terrorized into submission by threat of litigation.
E.g., United States of America, Canada.

-- Craig Bruce (1993-04-20 #223)


If you think a 300 MHz 64-bit RISC processor is better than a good
old 8-bit 6502, then you just have a lack of imagination.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-04-20 #222)


All in all, the day is just another empty Coke can in the wall...

-- Craig Bruce (1994-04-13 #219) [Maybe you'd have had
to have seen the Coke-can pyramids in my office.]


It's interesting how the words 'prophet' and 'profit' sound the same...

-- Craig Bruce (1994-04-10 #218)


You know that your motives aren't entirely pure when you say 'Take
THAT!!'  when you press the RETURN key to post a news article.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-04-09 #217)


Coach to Player: "There's no 'I' in 'TEAM'!"

Player to Coach: "Yeah, well there's no 'U' in 'WIN'!

-- Craig Bruce (1994-04 #215)


I have always found that the best answer to the 'who is to decide'
question is 'we, the people'.

-- Craig Bruce (1994-04 #213)


CSB212. 1994/03/31 -----
"My Canada includes personal freedom."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-03-31 #212)


CSB211. 1994/03/30 -----
"Give me freedom or give me... a huge compensation package!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-03-30 #211)


CSB210. 1994/03/28 -----
"When the mouse's away, the cats will pray."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-03-28 #210)


CSB207. 1994/03/18 -----
"At least now I know that I had some good original ideas; this other
 famous guy had them eight years ago."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-03-18 #207)


CSB206. 1994/03/17 -----
"Bachelor: learning to get results;
 Master  : mastering getting results;
 Ph.D.   : learning to doctor results."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-03-17 #206)


CSB203. 1994/03/16 -----
"The best candidate, whether he's black, white or green,
 male, female, or something in between."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-03-16 #203)


CSB202. 1994/03/16 -----
"I am not infallible, and I am seeking to prove that point conclusively."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-03-16 #202)


CSB201. 1994/03/16 -----
"It has always been much easier to legislate anger, hostility and resentment,
 than fairness."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-03-16 #201)


CSB196. 1994/03/13-----
"You look like the shit that shit shits when shit has the shits!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-03-13 #196)


CSB195. 1994/03/12-----
"Books burn at Fahrenheit 451; at what temperature do bits burn?
 Fahrenheit 98.6."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-03-12 #195)


CSB189. 1994/03/00 -----
"When times get tough, the first thing that a company must do is cut all of
 its research staff.  This will remove any doubt about the company's future."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-03 #189)


CSB188. 1994/03/00 -----
"Computer Graphics: Painting by numbers... and formulas, and laws of physics,
 and polygon meshing, and quadrilateral meshing, and ray tracing, and
 radiosity, and area subdivision, and antialiasing, and fractals, and
 geometric transformations, and bump mapping, and texture mapping, and splines,
 and orthographic projections, and Gouraud shading, and Phong shading, and
 solid modelling, and..."
 can't fool me!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-03 #188)


CSB182. 1994/02/00 -----
"You can't kid a kidder, you can't bullshit a bullshitter, and you
 can't fool me!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #182)


CSB181. 1994/02/00 -----
"If He won't let me in the Pearly Gates, I'll just appeal to God's god, and
 so on.  One of them will be big enough to accept that I don't believe in
 him for lack of evidence.  They're not all as petty as God Himself."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #181)


CSB180. 1994/02/00 -----
"Anything on paper is obsolete!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #180)


CSB176. 1994/02/00 -----
"We who are about to sleep all night long, salute you."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #176) [As a T.A., said to a
group of computer science students the day before a big assignment was due.
Damn, I'm cruel! ;-)] 


CSB174. 1994/02/00 -----
"Pussymagnet, n.: synonym for 'Guitar'."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #174)


CSB172. 1994/02/00 -----
"The problem of research is that someone, somewhere, has already done what
 you are proposing to do.  The challenge is to make sure that you don't find
 out about this other guy's work until after you have graduated."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #172)


CSB170. 1994/02/00 -----
"Nothing surpasses the beauty and elegance of a bad idea."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #170)


CSB169. 1994/02/00 -----
"Power interrupts.  Uninterruptable power interrupts absolutely."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #169)


CSB166. 1994/02/00 -----
"Who's the more foolish, the fool or the fool who watches him on TV?"
        - ~Obi-Wan Kenobi

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #166)


CSB165. 1994/02/00 -----
"Oops, the economy's in a slump; we'd better start a war."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #165)


CSB156. 1993/02/18 -----
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave
 When first we practice to implement stupid ideas."

-- Craig Bruce (1993-02-18 #156)


CSB154. 1994/02/00 -----
"Some animals have a lot of nerve -- they get caught in my teeth!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #154)


CSB153. 1994/02/00 -----
Fascist in a democratic state: "We must ban all obscenities!"

Democrat in a fascist state: ""

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #153)


CSB146. 1994/02/00 -----
"Looks like Orwell was off by a decade."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #146)


CSB143. 1994/02/00 -----
"You can say 'mother'; you can even say 'fucker', but you can't say
 'motherfucker' on Canadian TV.  What do you bet that you WOULD be allowed
 to say 'fatherfucker'?"

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #143)


CSB139. 1994/02/00 -----
"Think I'll go out and kill me a submarine sandwich."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #139)


CSB138. 1994/02/00 -----
"In 1969 a couple of guys walked around on the moon, but, much more important
 to the future of humanity, UNIX was invented."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02 #138)


CSB134. 1994/02/03 -----
"I wouldn't mind meating her."

-- Craig Bruce (1994-02-03 #134)


CSB128. 1994/00/00 -----
"As a general rule, anyone who talks about 'sending a strong message' to
 people, is full of shit."

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #128)


CSB127. 1994/00/00 -----
"Unix: The greatest invention since God."

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #127)


CSB125. 1994/00/00 -----
"I think; therefore, I am the center of the universe."

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #125)


CSB123. 1994/00/00 -----
"In twenty years, the television censors will be dictating the precise limit
 on the amount of semen that a man is allowed to ejaculate onto a woman's face
 in the afternoon soaps."

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #123)


CSB121. 1994/00/00 -----
"Home Sweet Hell."

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #121) [I'm not sure if I came up
with this myself or if I picked it up somewhere else.  It does appear to
have been uttered by Al Bundy in Married... With Children.]


CSB118. 1994/00/00 -----
"Geez, all that money we waste on space exploration; just think how many bombs
 that would buy!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #118)


CSB117. 1994/00/00 -----
"Now is the time for all good men to run like hell."

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #117)


CSB116. 1994/00/00 -----
"Do or do not, there is no 'peacekeep'." - ~Yoda

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #116)


CSB115. 1994/00/00 -----
"Empty office door == empty mind."

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #115)


CSB113. 1994/00/00 -----
"I am woman, hear me bitch."

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #113)


CSB111. 1994/00/00 -----
"You can't overrule us; we ARE the people."

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #111)


CSB109. 1994/00/00 -----
"Whoever invented double clicking should be shot in the head!  Twice!!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #109)


CSB107. 1994/00/00 -----
"Well, what else would you expect from a country that idolizes sports figures?"

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #107)


CSB105. 1994/00/00 -----
"Well I find your offense offensive!"

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #105)


CSB095. 1994/00/00 -----
"If God had decided to go with solid state electronics rather than slimy meat
 and chemicals, we would all have died from boredom long ago while waiting for
 our limbs to move."

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #095)


CSB093. 1994/00/00 -----
"My favorite charity: The Craig Bruce Electronic Gizmo Foundation."

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #093)


CSB092. 1994/00/00 -----
"Don't trust anyone who has been in school for the past 24 consecutive years."

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #092)


CSB090. 1994/00/00 -----
"Proposed standard unit of data storage: the 'Virtual Tree', equivalent to
 120.8 megabytes."

-- Craig Bruce (1994 #090)


CSB089. 1994/00/00 -----
"Five more... Four more... Keep it going, three more... Two more, almost
 there... One more...  Okay, click and drag...  Five more...  Mousercising."

-- Craig Bruce (1994, #089)


CSB088. 1994/00/00 -----
"Don't judge a book by its thickness either."

-- Craig Bruce (1994, #088)


CSB087. 1993/12/00 -----
"In my religion, the word 'dog' must be spelt 'doG'."

-- Craig Bruce (1993-12, #087)


CSB085. 1993/12/00 -----
"Wus, noun: A user of software with a WYSIWYG interface.  See also 'luser'."

-- Craig Bruce (1993-12, #085)


CSB084. 1993/11/00 -----
"Brucify, verb: To remove all arbitrary limits from a design at great expense
 and complication."

-- Craig Bruce (1993-11, #084)


CSB082. 1993/11/00 -----
"Necessity is the mother of all reinvention."

-- Craig Bruce (1993-11, #082)


CSB080. 1993/11/00 -----
"I'd rather be sleeping."

-- Craig Bruce (1993-11, #080)


CSB079. 1993/11/00 -----
"Research: thought for food."

-- Craig Bruce (1993-11, #079)


CSB078. 1993/11/00 -----
"Optimist, noun: One who does not fully comprehend the magnitude of the
 problem."

-- Craig Bruce (1993-11, #078)


CSB077. 1993/11/00 -----
"...and then man said, 'Let there be God.'"

-- Craig Bruce (1993-11, #077)


CSB076. 1993/10/00 -----
"The Optimist's Handbook, hint #12:
 Substitute the word 'challenge' whenever you mean to say 'problem.'"

-- Craig Bruce (1993-10, #076)


CSB071. 1993/08/00 -----
"The Thought Police: To censor and protect."

-- Craig Bruce (1993-08, #071)


CSB068. 1993/05/00 -----
"Think Tank, noun: The shower."

-- Craig Bruce (1993-05, #068)


CSB064. 1993/02/00 -----
"In order for a man to be truly evil, he must be a woman."

-- Craig Bruce (1993-02, #064)


CSB062. 1992/10/00 -----
"Bruce's Law of The General Perversity of the Universe:
 Most of your mini-wheats will be sugar-side down in the milk."

-- Craig Bruce (1992-10, #062)


CSB056. 1992/07/00 -----
"The only thing that is obscene is censorship."

-- Craig Bruce (1992-07, #056)


CSB054. 1992/06/00 -----
"Supermarket automatic doors open for me; therefore, I am."

-- Craig Bruce (1992-06, #054)


CSB053. 1991/00/00 -----
"Even IBM can't stand in the way of progress... for more than a decade."

-- Craig Bruce (1991, #053)


CSB052. 1991/00/00 -----
"When you are finished with it, put it back in the first place that you looked
 for it."

-- Craig Bruce (1991, #052)


CSB050. 1990/00/00 -----
"It's hardware that makes a machine fast.  It's software that makes a fast
 machine slow."

-- Craig Bruce (1990, #050)


CSB043. 1989/01/24 -----
"The difference between being able to understand something and inventing it
 in the first place... is called genius."

-- Craig Bruce (1989-01-24, #043)


CSB036. 1988/11/04 -----
"The only time you have all of your shit together is when you are up to your
 neck in it."

-- Craig Bruce (1988-11-04, #036)


CSB033. 1988/10/16 -----
"If I gave a damn what other people think of me, I would be more like
 other people."

-- Craig Bruce (1988-10-16, #033)


CSB032. 1988/09/26 -----
"When trying to locate something, search your mind first."

-- Craig Bruce (1988-09-26, #032)


CSB031. 1988/09/26 -----
"Never question the relevance of truth, but always question the truth of
 relevance."

-- Craig Bruce (1988-09-26, #031)


CSB030. 1988/09/12 -----
"Never underestimate the power of a simple tool."

-- Craig Bruce (1988-09-12, #030)


CSB029. 1988/08/06 -----
"'Programming' is a four-letter word."

-- Craig Bruce (1988-08-06, #029)


CSB025. 1988/06/28 -----
"When shooting in the dark, it is a good idea to use a machine gun."

-- Craig Bruce (1988-06-28, #025)


CSB024. 1988/04/17 -----
"Why are people unemployed?  Because there is no work.  Why is there no work?
 Because people are not buying products and services.  Why are people not
 buying products and services?  Because they have no money.  Why do people
 have no money?  Because they are unemployed."

-- Craig Bruce (1988-04-17, #024)


CSB023. 1988/04/17 -----
"From each according to his ability, to each according to his ability."

-- Craig Bruce (1988-04-17, #023)


CSB021. 1988/01/08 -----
"The entire universe is working against me.  I can't believe the entire
 universe could be that foolish!"

-- Craig Bruce (1988-01-08, #021)


CSB019. 1986/10/00 -----
"When you talk to yourself, at least you know that someone is listening."

-- Craig Bruce (1986-10, #019)


CSB017. 1986/08/00 -----
"Temporary solutions often become permanent problems."

-- Craig Bruce (1986-08, #017)


CSB015. 1986/07/00 -----
"Something is always simple until you try it."

-- Craig Bruce (1986-07, #015)


CSB011. 1986/05/00 -----
"Silence is a statement that is open to gross misinterpretation."

-- Craig Bruce (1986-05, #011)


CSB010. 1986/04/00 -----
"If the shoe fits, it is probably worn out."

-- Craig Bruce (1986-04, #010)


CSB009. 1986/03/00 -----
"You usually have to wait for that which is worth waiting for."

-- Craig Bruce (1986-03, #009)

Time is a resource whose supply is inversely proportional to its demand.
-- Craig Bruce (1986-03, #008)

Things always look better when you haven't seen them.
-- Craig Bruce (1986-03, #007)